Napoleon Pie

Everyone knows Napoleon (except my sisters, who think he is a flavour of ice cream).

Everyone also knows Don McLean's classic song 'American Pie' (except for people who mistake it for the classic teen comedy).

McLean's song explains the fluctuating themes of American society from the optimistic 50s into the counter culture revolution of the 60s through the disillusionment of the 70s. If you ever wondered about a single word in this song, visit the appropriately named website www.understandingamericanpie.com. Similarly, Napoleon Pie follows the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte from his birth in August 1769 through his years as French Emperor until his exile to Saint Helena. It's also one of my favourites :)


Napoleon Pie

A long, long time ago
June 1815,
Napoleon stood at Waterloo.
And he knew if he had the chance
He wouldn’t just be ruling France
But rather, the entire discovered world

But the Duke of Wellington was there,
He knew the stakes, he came prepared
Guns, horses, canons,
Sixty-seven thousand strong young men

As the sun rose on the red dawn
The map of Europe was redrawn
He knew his final chance was gone
The day, Napoleon cried.

Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.

August 1769
From a minor Italian noble line,
On the isle of Corsica.
The second of seven kids,
Spoke French with a strong accent,
Dreamed of Europe, Asia, Africa.

Studied at Ecole Militaire Paris,
2nd Lieutenant regiment artillery,
Filled with Corsican pride,
Still fought on the Jacobin side.

Became good friends with Robespierre,
Escaped backlash from Reign of Terror
Called the hero of Vendemiare
The day, Napoleon smiled

Royalists singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.

Successfully invaded Italy
Beat Austria at Lodi and Lombardy
Signed the Treaty of Leoben
Egypt, Malta, Pyramids, Chobrakit
Rosetta Stone, Nile, Damascus
Until Nelson sent him home again.

Convinced the Directory was flawed
Staged a triumphant coup d’etat
War with Britain imminent
Louisiana to US
December 2nd, 1804
Pope Pius, Notre Dame décor
First Consult became Emperor
The day, Napoleon smiled.

The Shah was singin’
why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.

Prussia, Russia, all the strength they muster
Europe coalition cluster
Five times now it’s total war
Austerlizts, Friedland, Trafalgar,
Built Arc Triumph and Warsaw
The Pope kidnapped, help confined on French soil

Now the Tsar’s words were turning sour,
Napoleon marched on Moscow’s power
He should’ve taken heed,
A disastrous defeat!
With scorched Earth and November chill
400,000 Frenchmen killed
Frostbite broke the Army’s will
The day, Napoleon cried.

The Tsar was singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.

With Europe encroaching on his state
At Fountainebleu he’d abdicate
To Elba off the Tuscan coast
Who knows? Maybe ambition, maybe fate
In ten short months he slipped away
And landed at Golfe-Juan to claim his post

“Kill the Emperor if you wish”
But troops joined as he stormed Paris
And Europe was in awe,
Hadn’t they fought this war before?
For one hundred days and sleepless nights,
He paced and trained his men to fight
‘Till smoke and Welly doused his light
The day, Napoleon cried.

Welly was singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.

Uniting a fractured nation
Aiding Jewish emancipation
Are some things to him we owe.
Introduced the system metric
Revolutionized military tactics
Most important, the Napoleonic Code

And on May 5th, the sun it set
A mask of plaster on his head
But for all worldly fame
A monument with no mane
And the three greatest things he’s seen
France, Army, and Josephine
Drifted off in mists serene
The day, Napoleon died.

And they were singing,
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.

And we’re still singing,
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.