Bruce bought his mom an ice cream cone
to give on her birthday.
Wrapped and packed with bright blue bows
He then tucked it away.
A week went by, and birthday night
Amid the cake and birthday lights
Bruce gave his gift with great delight
Although it didn't look quite right...
With great green spots of source unknown
She gobbled up that ice cream cone.
She thought it was pistachio,
but really it was mold.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
A Modest Proposal
It's that time of year again! With September approaching, a university student can't help but think of the important things: education, money, team sports, money, finding potential mates, money, drinking, money, essays, money, and most importantly,
money. Luckily, I have a very supportive family structure willing and able to help both myself and my brother out. But with this dour economic climate, is it really logical to support two children? Wouldn't it be more beneficial to pour their resources into a single student?
Here's my proposal:
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Shareholders/Parents,
We'd like to thank you for your continued interest and support. The affiliation we've cultivated over the past 19 years has proven extremely beneficial, and we hope to continue this relationship well into the future. The hundreds of thousands of dollars you are estimated to contribute within the next few years to the education of your children should therefore not be seen as a financial burden, but rather as a well-planned investment. Although an initial cost-analysis may result in heart palpitations and a retirement eating watery, pureed celery soup, the overall gains could be as profound as name-brand toilet paper in a centrally-located nursing home.
Research and Development has uncovered that 50% of your current investments are currently under-performing. Independently assessed data indicates your earliest investment peaked circa 2008, and has since faced steep decline. Despite assurances from executive members, questions persist as to whether the proposed overhaul of operating procedures will have an impact strong enough to warrant further investment. As we enter the third quarter, we recommend transferring funding from the flagging investment to a holding preforming more robustly. As the folksy American saying quips, "Cut your losses and let your profits run".
Shifting capital to a stronger asset ensures the highest return on your contribution. An increase in funds positively correlates to an increase in 'good times', which is significant to harbouring goodwill and cheer towards initial benefactors. Indeed, investors can be guaranteed that optimization of assets will result in greater quality of future life, perhaps even culminating in the sponsoring of a bi-weekly bingo team!* These predictions may even be extrapolated to predict that any and all future educational spending could be maximized if merged. Critics may contend that placing all the proverbial eggs in a singular basket makes for crunchy omelets, but we assure that this particular cooking metaphor does not at all suit the current economic forecast. Instead, we submit our own edible analogy, "A proliferation of chefs botches the bisque, thus provoking gastrointestinal distress (and poor economic investments)".
The dawn of a new decade warrants a comprehensive analysis of allocated funds. By synchronizing expenditures into a singular entity, the benefits could prove extremely rewarding. On behalf of all your current investments, we thank you for your contributions to date and look forward to further economic cooperation in the future.
Sincerely,
Isabelle Duchaine (Daughter)
*This is by no means a guarantee of sponsorship, be it a bi-weekly bingo team, bi-monthly shuffleboard team, semi-annual Lawnbowling Tournament, etc.
money. Luckily, I have a very supportive family structure willing and able to help both myself and my brother out. But with this dour economic climate, is it really logical to support two children? Wouldn't it be more beneficial to pour their resources into a single student?
Here's my proposal:
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Shareholders/Parents,
We'd like to thank you for your continued interest and support. The affiliation we've cultivated over the past 19 years has proven extremely beneficial, and we hope to continue this relationship well into the future. The hundreds of thousands of dollars you are estimated to contribute within the next few years to the education of your children should therefore not be seen as a financial burden, but rather as a well-planned investment. Although an initial cost-analysis may result in heart palpitations and a retirement eating watery, pureed celery soup, the overall gains could be as profound as name-brand toilet paper in a centrally-located nursing home.
Research and Development has uncovered that 50% of your current investments are currently under-performing. Independently assessed data indicates your earliest investment peaked circa 2008, and has since faced steep decline. Despite assurances from executive members, questions persist as to whether the proposed overhaul of operating procedures will have an impact strong enough to warrant further investment. As we enter the third quarter, we recommend transferring funding from the flagging investment to a holding preforming more robustly. As the folksy American saying quips, "Cut your losses and let your profits run".
Shifting capital to a stronger asset ensures the highest return on your contribution. An increase in funds positively correlates to an increase in 'good times', which is significant to harbouring goodwill and cheer towards initial benefactors. Indeed, investors can be guaranteed that optimization of assets will result in greater quality of future life, perhaps even culminating in the sponsoring of a bi-weekly bingo team!* These predictions may even be extrapolated to predict that any and all future educational spending could be maximized if merged. Critics may contend that placing all the proverbial eggs in a singular basket makes for crunchy omelets, but we assure that this particular cooking metaphor does not at all suit the current economic forecast. Instead, we submit our own edible analogy, "A proliferation of chefs botches the bisque, thus provoking gastrointestinal distress (and poor economic investments)".
The dawn of a new decade warrants a comprehensive analysis of allocated funds. By synchronizing expenditures into a singular entity, the benefits could prove extremely rewarding. On behalf of all your current investments, we thank you for your contributions to date and look forward to further economic cooperation in the future.
Sincerely,
Isabelle Duchaine (Daughter)
*This is by no means a guarantee of sponsorship, be it a bi-weekly bingo team, bi-monthly shuffleboard team, semi-annual Lawnbowling Tournament, etc.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Letter to Heinz re. their Shitty Soup
I am an adventurous eater. I believe our Western aversion to eating insects completely ignores an ethically sound, inexpensive, and plentiful source of protein. In Norway, I condemned myself to the lowest pits of Hell by trying a free sample of whale. If I were a member of a Uruguyan Rugby Team stranded on top of the Andes, I might even resort to cannibalism (look up their story, it's incredible). In summary, I would eat bugs frequently, whale once, and people in very taxing circumstances. The only foods I can't stand are ranch flavoured Doritos and macaroni.
Brighton is not exactly renowned for its culinary delights. Finding a can of delicous-sounding Thai Coconut Curry Soup at Sobeys left me very excited.
Although I wasn't ecstatic that it is low calorie (they sacrifice important things like chicken to drop the calorie count), I thought it couldn't be too horrible.
How wrong I was! I was so dissapointed by this crap-in-a-can that I wrote Weight Watchers and their parent company, Heinz. As my father always says,
Put up
Shut up
or do something about it.
~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Weight Watchers/Heinz Canada,
I purchased your SmartOnes Thai Coconut Curry Soup with great excitment. Living in a small community, it is rare to find low calorie ethnic foods. With the strong reputation of the Weight Watcher's brand behind this product, I felt assured that this soup would provide a delicous and healthy lunch option. I recognize that creating a low calorie soup requires ommiting some high calorie ingrediants (including coconut milk, cashews, ets) that would otherwise be staples of Thai cooking. As such, I have very few requirements for a low calories soup. However, one of my requirements is that it not taste like vomit. Unfotunatley, SmartOnes Thai Coconut Curry violated this requirement. The blend of Thai spices were more putrid and pungent than 'fragrant and authentic', with an unpleasant yellow colour to match. The similarities between your product and vomit were further exacerbated by the soggy texture of the vegetables, which were reminiscient of partially digested food. I personally found the mushrooms to be the worst offenders.
I am fully committed to the Heinz brand, being a loyal consumer of your ketchups, spreads, and other assorted products for many years. I believe that SmartOnes Thai Coconut Curry Soup is a product that needs to be readjusted, and I look forward to repairing my relationship with your company.
A disheartened customer,
Isabelle Duchaine
Brighton is not exactly renowned for its culinary delights. Finding a can of delicous-sounding Thai Coconut Curry Soup at Sobeys left me very excited.
Although I wasn't ecstatic that it is low calorie (they sacrifice important things like chicken to drop the calorie count), I thought it couldn't be too horrible.
How wrong I was! I was so dissapointed by this crap-in-a-can that I wrote Weight Watchers and their parent company, Heinz. As my father always says,
Put up
Shut up
or do something about it.
~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Weight Watchers/Heinz Canada,
I purchased your SmartOnes Thai Coconut Curry Soup with great excitment. Living in a small community, it is rare to find low calorie ethnic foods. With the strong reputation of the Weight Watcher's brand behind this product, I felt assured that this soup would provide a delicous and healthy lunch option. I recognize that creating a low calorie soup requires ommiting some high calorie ingrediants (including coconut milk, cashews, ets) that would otherwise be staples of Thai cooking. As such, I have very few requirements for a low calories soup. However, one of my requirements is that it not taste like vomit. Unfotunatley, SmartOnes Thai Coconut Curry violated this requirement. The blend of Thai spices were more putrid and pungent than 'fragrant and authentic', with an unpleasant yellow colour to match. The similarities between your product and vomit were further exacerbated by the soggy texture of the vegetables, which were reminiscient of partially digested food. I personally found the mushrooms to be the worst offenders.
I am fully committed to the Heinz brand, being a loyal consumer of your ketchups, spreads, and other assorted products for many years. I believe that SmartOnes Thai Coconut Curry Soup is a product that needs to be readjusted, and I look forward to repairing my relationship with your company.
A disheartened customer,
Isabelle Duchaine
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Nameless Toad
In his spare time, when he wasn't conquering Europe, inventing new legal codes, or revolutionizing military tactics, Napoleon liked contributing to the burgeoning historical and architectural community. Soldiers on his Egyptian Campaign rediscovered the Rosetta Stone, an architectural goldmine that allowed Champollion to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics. This discovery unlocked the secrets of a civilization buried beneath shifting sands and fluctuating empires.
It's always exciting when you rediscover something written many, many moons ago. It's even better when you still remain somewhat fond of it. The Nameless Toad (circa 2008) is a eulogy to a toad Bronte found squished on a road. Seems harmless, but now that I am all intellectually mature and whatevs, I realize that it's the perfect example of over analysis in literature. Legend states that John Lennon combined two partially composed songs to create I am a Walrus. He threw in "custard dripping from a dead dog's eye" to retaliate against teachers forcing students to analyze the Beatles' lyrics. What a champion of education he was! Let's give it a try: replace 'toad' with 'dreams' and feel your future evaporate.
THE NAMELESS TOAD
The nameless toad,
I'll sing an ode,
the nameless toad.
Smushed on a road,
His breath so cold,
His heart not old,
His tale untold,
The nameless toad.
Too flat to flop,
Two legs, no hop,
To just go plop,
One car, no stop.
Stone cold he lies,
His squashed demise
With buzzing flies
As crystal tears fill Bronte's eyes.
And so she cries,
And so i try
To recognize
His life's goodbye.
Goodbye dear nameless toad.
It's always exciting when you rediscover something written many, many moons ago. It's even better when you still remain somewhat fond of it. The Nameless Toad (circa 2008) is a eulogy to a toad Bronte found squished on a road. Seems harmless, but now that I am all intellectually mature and whatevs, I realize that it's the perfect example of over analysis in literature. Legend states that John Lennon combined two partially composed songs to create I am a Walrus. He threw in "custard dripping from a dead dog's eye" to retaliate against teachers forcing students to analyze the Beatles' lyrics. What a champion of education he was! Let's give it a try: replace 'toad' with 'dreams' and feel your future evaporate.
THE NAMELESS TOAD
The nameless toad,
I'll sing an ode,
the nameless toad.
Smushed on a road,
His breath so cold,
His heart not old,
His tale untold,
The nameless toad.
Too flat to flop,
Two legs, no hop,
To just go plop,
One car, no stop.
Stone cold he lies,
His squashed demise
With buzzing flies
As crystal tears fill Bronte's eyes.
And so she cries,
And so i try
To recognize
His life's goodbye.
Goodbye dear nameless toad.
Swine Flu is H1N1
Although much of the information is out of date, this remains one of my favourites. Sing along to ice ice baby by vanilla ice :)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Swine Flu is H1N1
Yo CDC, Let’s heal it!
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
Aight stop! Grab your tissues and lozenge,
Influenza returns with a vengeance,
Spotlights on nightly news,
Everyone’s talking’ about Swine flu.
Late case flu? Apparently no,
Concern from the WHO.
Is it a danger? Virologists wonder.
Ravage the world like pirates plunder,
Mix of avian, swine, human streams,
Quickly sequencing genes bordering obscene.
Emerging, from sources unknown,
North American Zone, calls Mexico home.
Daily, nightly, number infected
Nearly 10,000, more soon expected
Create a vaccine for science to solve
Better find it fast before it evolves.
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
Now that the virus can transmit
Fast as frustration with public transit
Man to woman to man to child
Cases increase and the media’s wild
Airplanes, cruises, vacations
Sneaks in swift as illegal immigration
And you’ll step off feeling more than jet lag
Carrying the virus in your carry on bag
Freaked out, and so it goes
Cancelled Spring Break down in Mexico
The flights are on standby waiting ‘till they say fly
Not if Indian, Korean, or Thai,
Australia, Iceland, Philippine
Screened tourists to be sure they’re clean
Seemed effective,
Until it grew to Stage Five…Global Pandemic!
Sustained transition in multiple places,
Walking downtown with masks on faces,
Toronto, hasn’t looked so bizarre,
Since 2003 when infected with SARS.
Reactions worldwide were odd,
Blamed it on chemicals, pesticide, God.
Makes you wonder what’s in a name,
Swine flu? Pigs must be to blame!
Not quite, bacon’s alright,
Still killed all pigs in Egypt on the 29th
Ridicule, pitiful, haven’t a clue,
Quarantine the pig in the Kabul zoo!
Iraq’s wild boar? Not anymore!
They slaughtered the ones at the zoo and the pet store
Create a vaccine for science to solve,
Better find it fast before it evolves.
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
Take heed ‘cause it’s not the first time,
Influenza A made sneezing a crime.
Reminiscent of times like before,
Spanish flu following the first World War.
From Alaska way down to Samoa,
Spread by weakened, returning soldiers.
Fifty million dead,
One hell of an outbreak!
Happened again ‘57, ‘69
Two and one million dead those times
But there are ways to watch your health,
When you cough *cough*, cover your mouth!
Monitor, your personal hygiene,
Soap and water to ensure your hands clean.
Create a vaccine for science to solve,
Better find it fast before it evolves!
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Swine Flu is H1N1
Yo CDC, Let’s heal it!
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
Aight stop! Grab your tissues and lozenge,
Influenza returns with a vengeance,
Spotlights on nightly news,
Everyone’s talking’ about Swine flu.
Late case flu? Apparently no,
Concern from the WHO.
Is it a danger? Virologists wonder.
Ravage the world like pirates plunder,
Mix of avian, swine, human streams,
Quickly sequencing genes bordering obscene.
Emerging, from sources unknown,
North American Zone, calls Mexico home.
Daily, nightly, number infected
Nearly 10,000, more soon expected
Create a vaccine for science to solve
Better find it fast before it evolves.
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
Now that the virus can transmit
Fast as frustration with public transit
Man to woman to man to child
Cases increase and the media’s wild
Airplanes, cruises, vacations
Sneaks in swift as illegal immigration
And you’ll step off feeling more than jet lag
Carrying the virus in your carry on bag
Freaked out, and so it goes
Cancelled Spring Break down in Mexico
The flights are on standby waiting ‘till they say fly
Not if Indian, Korean, or Thai,
Australia, Iceland, Philippine
Screened tourists to be sure they’re clean
Seemed effective,
Until it grew to Stage Five…Global Pandemic!
Sustained transition in multiple places,
Walking downtown with masks on faces,
Toronto, hasn’t looked so bizarre,
Since 2003 when infected with SARS.
Reactions worldwide were odd,
Blamed it on chemicals, pesticide, God.
Makes you wonder what’s in a name,
Swine flu? Pigs must be to blame!
Not quite, bacon’s alright,
Still killed all pigs in Egypt on the 29th
Ridicule, pitiful, haven’t a clue,
Quarantine the pig in the Kabul zoo!
Iraq’s wild boar? Not anymore!
They slaughtered the ones at the zoo and the pet store
Create a vaccine for science to solve,
Better find it fast before it evolves.
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
Take heed ‘cause it’s not the first time,
Influenza A made sneezing a crime.
Reminiscent of times like before,
Spanish flu following the first World War.
From Alaska way down to Samoa,
Spread by weakened, returning soldiers.
Fifty million dead,
One hell of an outbreak!
Happened again ‘57, ‘69
Two and one million dead those times
But there are ways to watch your health,
When you cough *cough*, cover your mouth!
Monitor, your personal hygiene,
Soap and water to ensure your hands clean.
Create a vaccine for science to solve,
Better find it fast before it evolves!
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
H1N1
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine flu is
H1N1 Swine Flu is
The Berlin Wall
You'd think that defeating the Nazis would leave Europe in smiles and sunshine, but the Cold War dragged on for another 50 years or so. With a shattered economy, a decimated population, and the worst PR problem in history, Germany struggled to redefine itself. This former heavyweight would soon become the battleground for democratic and communist ideologies, with the East Germany lying in the Soviet Sphere of influence and West Germany allied primarily to the US. This awkward arrangement culminated in Berlin, which was neatly divided riiiiiight down the middle. This tactic works well for sharing the last slice of DQ Blizzard cake, but not so much for redrawing political boundaries during the threat of nuclear holocaust. Especially when one of the sides *cough*East Berlin*cough*, enjoys a much lower quality of life. Unsurprisingly, East Berliners retaliated by emigrating en masse. Threatened with a massive brain drain and a blot on the squeaky clean Communist reputation, East German officials built and armed a wall across Berlin, announcing defectors as traitors who could be shot on sight.
Approximately 200 East Germans were killed attempting to break through the Berlin wall. Most famous is 18 year old Peter Fechter, who bled to death on live television after East German guards refused to allow him medical treatment. Successful attempts included digging under the wall, crawling through the sewer system, flying overhead in stolen gliders, and ramming checkpoints with a modified sports car. The wall was dismantled when GDR official Schabowski accidentally misinterpreted an official memo explaining a gradual decrease in wall security and announced that passage between East and West Berlin could resume immediately. Thousands of people crowded the streets demanding entrance, and the very confused guards complied. Sing along to Wonderwall by Oasis, and appreciate how far we've come in 20 years.
The Berlin Wall
It’s dawn, August ’61
Hammers throb the morning light
To stop people that deferred
Soldiers told to shoot on sight
No one believes it for a moment
The rumors whispered here are too absurd
Tee shirt torn on red barbed wire
Blockade looming up twelve feet
Armed guards, floodlights chained dogs
Prison bars made of concrete
No one believes it for a moment
The rumours whispered here are too absurd
To save the East from capitalist sin
They built and armed a wall across Berlin
Awake one day and find your life
Dissected, cut right through
On the wrong side
Annexation
A divided German nation
And it stands so tall
The Berlin Wall
It’s dusk November ‘89
And Schabowski tries to speak
Murmurs echo his words
People wander down the street
No one believes it for a moment
The rumours whispered here are too absurd
The Cold War now is finally receding
Soviet Union influence is fleeting
Maybe this will be the peace
We’ve waited for so long
Since Adolf rose to power
Annexation
A divided German nation
And it stands so tall
The Berlin Wall
Midnight November ‘89
And the crowd is growing strong
40 years of East vs. West
Maybe Ulbricht was wrong
No one believes it for a moment
The rumours whispered here are too absurd
They’ll smash the stone with fist and mind and bone
Twenty eight years and finally going home
Arm in arm and face to face
East-West and they’re the same
And really, who’s to blame?
Reunification
A united German nation
So see it fall
Yeah the Berlin wall
Approximately 200 East Germans were killed attempting to break through the Berlin wall. Most famous is 18 year old Peter Fechter, who bled to death on live television after East German guards refused to allow him medical treatment. Successful attempts included digging under the wall, crawling through the sewer system, flying overhead in stolen gliders, and ramming checkpoints with a modified sports car. The wall was dismantled when GDR official Schabowski accidentally misinterpreted an official memo explaining a gradual decrease in wall security and announced that passage between East and West Berlin could resume immediately. Thousands of people crowded the streets demanding entrance, and the very confused guards complied. Sing along to Wonderwall by Oasis, and appreciate how far we've come in 20 years.
The Berlin Wall
It’s dawn, August ’61
Hammers throb the morning light
To stop people that deferred
Soldiers told to shoot on sight
No one believes it for a moment
The rumors whispered here are too absurd
Tee shirt torn on red barbed wire
Blockade looming up twelve feet
Armed guards, floodlights chained dogs
Prison bars made of concrete
No one believes it for a moment
The rumours whispered here are too absurd
To save the East from capitalist sin
They built and armed a wall across Berlin
Awake one day and find your life
Dissected, cut right through
On the wrong side
Annexation
A divided German nation
And it stands so tall
The Berlin Wall
It’s dusk November ‘89
And Schabowski tries to speak
Murmurs echo his words
People wander down the street
No one believes it for a moment
The rumours whispered here are too absurd
The Cold War now is finally receding
Soviet Union influence is fleeting
Maybe this will be the peace
We’ve waited for so long
Since Adolf rose to power
Annexation
A divided German nation
And it stands so tall
The Berlin Wall
Midnight November ‘89
And the crowd is growing strong
40 years of East vs. West
Maybe Ulbricht was wrong
No one believes it for a moment
The rumours whispered here are too absurd
They’ll smash the stone with fist and mind and bone
Twenty eight years and finally going home
Arm in arm and face to face
East-West and they’re the same
And really, who’s to blame?
Reunification
A united German nation
So see it fall
Yeah the Berlin wall
Napoleon Pie
Everyone knows Napoleon (except my sisters, who think he is a flavour of ice cream).
Everyone also knows Don McLean's classic song 'American Pie' (except for people who mistake it for the classic teen comedy).
McLean's song explains the fluctuating themes of American society from the optimistic 50s into the counter culture revolution of the 60s through the disillusionment of the 70s. If you ever wondered about a single word in this song, visit the appropriately named website www.understandingamericanpie.com. Similarly, Napoleon Pie follows the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte from his birth in August 1769 through his years as French Emperor until his exile to Saint Helena. It's also one of my favourites :)
Napoleon Pie
A long, long time ago
June 1815,
Napoleon stood at Waterloo.
And he knew if he had the chance
He wouldn’t just be ruling France
But rather, the entire discovered world
But the Duke of Wellington was there,
He knew the stakes, he came prepared
Guns, horses, canons,
Sixty-seven thousand strong young men
As the sun rose on the red dawn
The map of Europe was redrawn
He knew his final chance was gone
The day, Napoleon cried.
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
August 1769
From a minor Italian noble line,
On the isle of Corsica.
The second of seven kids,
Spoke French with a strong accent,
Dreamed of Europe, Asia, Africa.
Studied at Ecole Militaire Paris,
2nd Lieutenant regiment artillery,
Filled with Corsican pride,
Still fought on the Jacobin side.
Became good friends with Robespierre,
Escaped backlash from Reign of Terror
Called the hero of Vendemiare
The day, Napoleon smiled
Royalists singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
Successfully invaded Italy
Beat Austria at Lodi and Lombardy
Signed the Treaty of Leoben
Egypt, Malta, Pyramids, Chobrakit
Rosetta Stone, Nile, Damascus
Until Nelson sent him home again.
Convinced the Directory was flawed
Staged a triumphant coup d’etat
War with Britain imminent
Louisiana to US
December 2nd, 1804
Pope Pius, Notre Dame décor
First Consult became Emperor
The day, Napoleon smiled.
The Shah was singin’
why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
Prussia, Russia, all the strength they muster
Europe coalition cluster
Five times now it’s total war
Austerlizts, Friedland, Trafalgar,
Built Arc Triumph and Warsaw
The Pope kidnapped, help confined on French soil
Now the Tsar’s words were turning sour,
Napoleon marched on Moscow’s power
He should’ve taken heed,
A disastrous defeat!
With scorched Earth and November chill
400,000 Frenchmen killed
Frostbite broke the Army’s will
The day, Napoleon cried.
The Tsar was singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
With Europe encroaching on his state
At Fountainebleu he’d abdicate
To Elba off the Tuscan coast
Who knows? Maybe ambition, maybe fate
In ten short months he slipped away
And landed at Golfe-Juan to claim his post
“Kill the Emperor if you wish”
But troops joined as he stormed Paris
And Europe was in awe,
Hadn’t they fought this war before?
For one hundred days and sleepless nights,
He paced and trained his men to fight
‘Till smoke and Welly doused his light
The day, Napoleon cried.
Welly was singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
Uniting a fractured nation
Aiding Jewish emancipation
Are some things to him we owe.
Introduced the system metric
Revolutionized military tactics
Most important, the Napoleonic Code
And on May 5th, the sun it set
A mask of plaster on his head
But for all worldly fame
A monument with no mane
And the three greatest things he’s seen
France, Army, and Josephine
Drifted off in mists serene
The day, Napoleon died.
And they were singing,
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
And we’re still singing,
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
Everyone also knows Don McLean's classic song 'American Pie' (except for people who mistake it for the classic teen comedy).
McLean's song explains the fluctuating themes of American society from the optimistic 50s into the counter culture revolution of the 60s through the disillusionment of the 70s. If you ever wondered about a single word in this song, visit the appropriately named website www.understandingamericanpie.com. Similarly, Napoleon Pie follows the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte from his birth in August 1769 through his years as French Emperor until his exile to Saint Helena. It's also one of my favourites :)
Napoleon Pie
A long, long time ago
June 1815,
Napoleon stood at Waterloo.
And he knew if he had the chance
He wouldn’t just be ruling France
But rather, the entire discovered world
But the Duke of Wellington was there,
He knew the stakes, he came prepared
Guns, horses, canons,
Sixty-seven thousand strong young men
As the sun rose on the red dawn
The map of Europe was redrawn
He knew his final chance was gone
The day, Napoleon cried.
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
August 1769
From a minor Italian noble line,
On the isle of Corsica.
The second of seven kids,
Spoke French with a strong accent,
Dreamed of Europe, Asia, Africa.
Studied at Ecole Militaire Paris,
2nd Lieutenant regiment artillery,
Filled with Corsican pride,
Still fought on the Jacobin side.
Became good friends with Robespierre,
Escaped backlash from Reign of Terror
Called the hero of Vendemiare
The day, Napoleon smiled
Royalists singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
Successfully invaded Italy
Beat Austria at Lodi and Lombardy
Signed the Treaty of Leoben
Egypt, Malta, Pyramids, Chobrakit
Rosetta Stone, Nile, Damascus
Until Nelson sent him home again.
Convinced the Directory was flawed
Staged a triumphant coup d’etat
War with Britain imminent
Louisiana to US
December 2nd, 1804
Pope Pius, Notre Dame décor
First Consult became Emperor
The day, Napoleon smiled.
The Shah was singin’
why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
Prussia, Russia, all the strength they muster
Europe coalition cluster
Five times now it’s total war
Austerlizts, Friedland, Trafalgar,
Built Arc Triumph and Warsaw
The Pope kidnapped, help confined on French soil
Now the Tsar’s words were turning sour,
Napoleon marched on Moscow’s power
He should’ve taken heed,
A disastrous defeat!
With scorched Earth and November chill
400,000 Frenchmen killed
Frostbite broke the Army’s will
The day, Napoleon cried.
The Tsar was singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
With Europe encroaching on his state
At Fountainebleu he’d abdicate
To Elba off the Tuscan coast
Who knows? Maybe ambition, maybe fate
In ten short months he slipped away
And landed at Golfe-Juan to claim his post
“Kill the Emperor if you wish”
But troops joined as he stormed Paris
And Europe was in awe,
Hadn’t they fought this war before?
For one hundred days and sleepless nights,
He paced and trained his men to fight
‘Till smoke and Welly doused his light
The day, Napoleon cried.
Welly was singin’
Why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
Uniting a fractured nation
Aiding Jewish emancipation
Are some things to him we owe.
Introduced the system metric
Revolutionized military tactics
Most important, the Napoleonic Code
And on May 5th, the sun it set
A mask of plaster on his head
But for all worldly fame
A monument with no mane
And the three greatest things he’s seen
France, Army, and Josephine
Drifted off in mists serene
The day, Napoleon died.
And they were singing,
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
And we’re still singing,
Oh why, why, Mr. Bonaparte why?
Should’ve waited, not invaded,
Maybe stayed at Versailles.
At Waterloo, yeah, you’ll know your reign’s through
‘Cause now they’ll send you back to exile,
St. Helena’s, you’ll stay a while.
I Got Some Leaders (Inspired by I Gotta Feelin')
Here are some things I know:
1. If you add salt to pasta water, your spaghetti will not stick together.
2. Gyarados is a water/flying type and therefore thunderbolt is doubly super effective.
3. Aside from being a delicious tea, Earl Grey was also Prime Minister of Britain.
I have a lot of time and a capacity for collecting knowledge of dubious use. I read newspapers, I google, and I rampage through Wikipedia articles like a university student with three hours left to finish their politics essay on “The Role of Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac in Usurping American Economic Hegemony”.
But I can’t name Canadian Prime Ministers. I can recite every single line in 8 Mile, Eminem’s classic tale of gangsta rap culture in mid 90s Detroit. I can name all the members of the Fellowship, and probably throw in some Sindarin to boot. But I remain pathetically ignorant on some of the most influential people in my own country. My guilt is further multiplied because I know the American presidents. Ouch.
So I present:
“Canadian Prime Ministers of the Late 19th and Early 20th Centuries” also known as “I Got Some Leaders”. It's inspired by the Black Eyed Peas’ "I Gotta Feelin’".
If you can’t tell Bennet from Boromir, if you think that Johnny A MacDonald either gave us apples or McNuggets, if you ever sat up late at night and thought, "Gee, I wonder who was responsible for constructing the position of Auditor General", this is for you.
~ ~ ~ ~
I got some leaders
Intent on forming a nation
‘67 is Confederation
Took three years so they all were quite pay-patient
I got a leader
in a Liberal-Conservative government
John A McDonald elected, he’s runnin’ it
With a bottle of scotch he be love, lovin’ it
While he is leader
BC and the North are uniting
Fenian forces we keep on fighting
Pacific rail Scandal is ignite-nite-ing
Alex Mackenzie
Stonemason out of school at 13
Refused to be knighted by the Queen
Supreme Court, Auditing, and RMC
Now Sir John Abbott
Selected quick
Mostly because
He’s not Catholic
Most famous quote?
“I hate politics”
He’s got brain cancer
and so retires
To John Sparrow Thompson we owe
Canada’s
Very first
Criminal Code
US Bearing Sea
Increased sovereignty
Tragically, heart disease
Dead before 50
Ch-Ch-Ch-Charles Bowell
Number five
He rocked the Senate
Not much the House
Power divide
Pushed him aside
Charles Tupper leads
For a lowly ten weeks
McDonald, McDonald, McDonald
Mackenzie,
Mackenzie, John Abbott, and next in
line John Thomspon, Thompson,
Thomson Thompson Thompson and Bowell
and Bowell and Tupper Tupper
Laurier’s leader,
serving four terms in succession
Quebec Liberal stronghold he strengthens
While the country increases possessions
While he is leader,
Boer War is causing a crisis
Founds Navy to build us supply ships
French Anglo relations divide, divide us
Borden’s PM (yeah)
For First World War (1918)
Insisted on (Yay)
Canadian Corp (we’ll fight as team)
Win lots of battles (BATTLES!)
Vimy and Ypres (Passeandale too)
Winnipeg strike (Unions)
Vs Mountie Might
Meighan at nine (nine)
Ten is King (Mackenzie)
Then back to Meighan (Pattern emerges)
Because of Byng
He reps the crown (Gov’nor Gen)
Won’t shut gov down (no shutting down)
The next election
Meighan losses again
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Charles Tupper
Laurier
Meighan
King
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Tucker
Laurier
Meighan
King
Bennet’s woe
30’s blow
We lost some stocks
stocks stocks stocks
Dustbowl roar
Farmers poor
Lost all their flocks
flocks flocks flocks
Men want work
Bennet “Jerk!”
hotels and yachts
yachts yachts yachts
New Deal’s in
Socialist win
Laissez-faire stops
stops stops stops
Third Reich, Adolf, Black shirt Benito
Facist, Expansion, Emporer Hitohito
William Lyon Mackenzie King
elected once more (more )
the Second World War
S-S-S-Second World War
I got some leaders
Perhaps they are slightly eccentric
Séances, affairs and alcoholics
But still have substantial successes
We got some leaders
That together constructed a country
Out of snow, immigrants, and no money
And we don’t know there names, ain’t that fun-funny?
~ ~ ~ ~
PLEASE comment if you read this :D
Look how boss they are!
1. If you add salt to pasta water, your spaghetti will not stick together.
2. Gyarados is a water/flying type and therefore thunderbolt is doubly super effective.
3. Aside from being a delicious tea, Earl Grey was also Prime Minister of Britain.
I have a lot of time and a capacity for collecting knowledge of dubious use. I read newspapers, I google, and I rampage through Wikipedia articles like a university student with three hours left to finish their politics essay on “The Role of Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac in Usurping American Economic Hegemony”.
But I can’t name Canadian Prime Ministers. I can recite every single line in 8 Mile, Eminem’s classic tale of gangsta rap culture in mid 90s Detroit. I can name all the members of the Fellowship, and probably throw in some Sindarin to boot. But I remain pathetically ignorant on some of the most influential people in my own country. My guilt is further multiplied because I know the American presidents. Ouch.
So I present:
“Canadian Prime Ministers of the Late 19th and Early 20th Centuries” also known as “I Got Some Leaders”. It's inspired by the Black Eyed Peas’ "I Gotta Feelin’".
If you can’t tell Bennet from Boromir, if you think that Johnny A MacDonald either gave us apples or McNuggets, if you ever sat up late at night and thought, "Gee, I wonder who was responsible for constructing the position of Auditor General", this is for you.
~ ~ ~ ~
I got some leaders
Intent on forming a nation
‘67 is Confederation
Took three years so they all were quite pay-patient
I got a leader
in a Liberal-Conservative government
John A McDonald elected, he’s runnin’ it
With a bottle of scotch he be love, lovin’ it
While he is leader
BC and the North are uniting
Fenian forces we keep on fighting
Pacific rail Scandal is ignite-nite-ing
Alex Mackenzie
Stonemason out of school at 13
Refused to be knighted by the Queen
Supreme Court, Auditing, and RMC
Now Sir John Abbott
Selected quick
Mostly because
He’s not Catholic
Most famous quote?
“I hate politics”
He’s got brain cancer
and so retires
To John Sparrow Thompson we owe
Canada’s
Very first
Criminal Code
US Bearing Sea
Increased sovereignty
Tragically, heart disease
Dead before 50
Ch-Ch-Ch-Charles Bowell
Number five
He rocked the Senate
Not much the House
Power divide
Pushed him aside
Charles Tupper leads
For a lowly ten weeks
McDonald, McDonald, McDonald
Mackenzie,
Mackenzie, John Abbott, and next in
line John Thomspon, Thompson,
Thomson Thompson Thompson and Bowell
and Bowell and Tupper Tupper
Laurier’s leader,
serving four terms in succession
Quebec Liberal stronghold he strengthens
While the country increases possessions
While he is leader,
Boer War is causing a crisis
Founds Navy to build us supply ships
French Anglo relations divide, divide us
Borden’s PM (yeah)
For First World War (1918)
Insisted on (Yay)
Canadian Corp (we’ll fight as team)
Win lots of battles (BATTLES!)
Vimy and Ypres (Passeandale too)
Winnipeg strike (Unions)
Vs Mountie Might
Meighan at nine (nine)
Ten is King (Mackenzie)
Then back to Meighan (Pattern emerges)
Because of Byng
He reps the crown (Gov’nor Gen)
Won’t shut gov down (no shutting down)
The next election
Meighan losses again
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Charles Tupper
Laurier
Meighan
King
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Tucker
Laurier
Meighan
King
Bennet’s woe
30’s blow
We lost some stocks
stocks stocks stocks
Dustbowl roar
Farmers poor
Lost all their flocks
flocks flocks flocks
Men want work
Bennet “Jerk!”
hotels and yachts
yachts yachts yachts
New Deal’s in
Socialist win
Laissez-faire stops
stops stops stops
Third Reich, Adolf, Black shirt Benito
Facist, Expansion, Emporer Hitohito
William Lyon Mackenzie King
elected once more (more )
the Second World War
S-S-S-Second World War
I got some leaders
Perhaps they are slightly eccentric
Séances, affairs and alcoholics
But still have substantial successes
We got some leaders
That together constructed a country
Out of snow, immigrants, and no money
And we don’t know there names, ain’t that fun-funny?
~ ~ ~ ~
PLEASE comment if you read this :D
Look how boss they are!
I Got Some Leaders (Inspired by I Gotta Feelin')
Here are some things I know:
1. If you add salt to pasta water, your spaghetti will not stick together.
2. Gyarados is a water/flying type and therefore thunderbolt is doubly super effective.
3. Aside from being a delicious tea, Earl Grey was also Prime Minister of Britain.
I have a lot of time and a capacity for collecting knowledge of dubious use. I read newspapers, I google, and I rampage through Wikipedia articles like a university student with three hours left to finish their politics essay on “The Role of Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac in Usurping American Economic Hegemony”.
But I can’t name Canadian Prime Ministers. I can recite every single line in 8 Mile, Eminem’s classic tale of gangsta rap culture in mid 90s Detroit. I can name all the members of the Fellowship, and probably throw in some Sindarin to boot. But I remain pathetically ignorant on some of the most influential people in my own country. My guilt is further multiplied because I know the American presidents. Ouch.
So I present:
“Canadian Prime Ministers of the Late 19th and Early 20th Centuries” also known as “I Got Some Leaders”. It's inspired by the Black Eyed Peas’ "I Gotta Feelin’".
If you can’t tell Bennet from Boromir, if you think that Johnny A MacDonald either gave us apples or McNuggets, if you ever sat up late at night and thought, "Gee, I wonder who was responsible for constructing the position of Auditor General", this is for you.
~ ~ ~ ~
I got some leaders
Intent on forming a nation
‘67 is Confederation
Took three years so they all were quite pay-patient
I got a leader
in a Liberal-Conservative government
John A McDonald elected, he’s runnin’ it
With a bottle of scotch he be love, lovin’ it
While he is leader
BC and the North are uniting
Fenian forces we keep on fighting
Pacific rail Scandal is ignite-nite-ing
Alex Mackenzie
Stonemason out of school at 13
Refused to be knighted by the Queen
Supreme Court, Auditing, and RMC
Now Sir John Abbott
Selected quick
Mostly because
He’s not Catholic
Most famous quote?
“I hate politics”
He’s got brain cancer
and so retires
To John Sparrow Thompson we owe
Canada’s
Very first
Criminal Code
US Bearing Sea
Increased sovereignty
Tragically, heart disease
Dead before 50
Ch-Ch-Ch-Charles Bowell
Number five
He rocked the Senate
Not much the House
Power divide
Pushed him aside
Charles Tupper leads
For a lowly ten weeks
McDonald, McDonald, McDonald
Mackenzie,
Mackenzie, John Abbott, and next in
line John Thomspon, Thompson,
Thomson Thompson Thompson and Bowell
and Bowell and Tupper Tupper
Laurier’s leader,
serving four terms in succession
Quebec Liberal stronghold he strengthens
While the country increases possessions
While he is leader,
Boer War is causing a crisis
Founds Navy to build us supply ships
French Anglo relations divide, divide us
Borden’s PM (yeah)
For First World War (1918)
Insisted on (Yay)
Canadian Corp (we’ll fight as team)
Win lots of battles (BATTLES!)
Vimy and Ypres (Passeandale too)
Winnipeg strike (Unions)
Vs Mountie Might
Meighan at nine (nine)
Ten is King (Mackenzie)
Then back to Meighan (Pattern emerges)
Because of Byng
He reps the crown (Gov’nor Gen)
Won’t shut gov down (no shutting down)
The next election
Meighan losses again
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Charles Tupper
Laurier
Meighan
King
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Tucker
Laurier
Meighan
King
Bennet’s woe
30’s blow
We lost some stocks
stocks stocks stocks
Dustbowl roar
Farmers poor
Lost all their flocks
flocks flocks flocks
Men want work
Bennet “Jerk!”
hotels and yachts
yachts yachts yachts
New Deal’s in
Socialist win
Laissez-faire stops
stops stops stops
Third Reich, Adolf, Black shirt Benito
Facist, Expansion, Emporer Hitohito
William Lyon Mackenzie King
elected once more (more )
the Second World War
S-S-S-Second World War
I got some leaders
Perhaps they are slightly eccentric
Séances, affairs and alcoholics
But still have substantial successes
We got some leaders
That together constructed a country
Out of snow, immigrants, and no money
And we don’t know there names, ain’t that fun-funny?
~ ~ ~ ~
PLEASE comment if you read this :D
Look how boss they are!
1. If you add salt to pasta water, your spaghetti will not stick together.
2. Gyarados is a water/flying type and therefore thunderbolt is doubly super effective.
3. Aside from being a delicious tea, Earl Grey was also Prime Minister of Britain.
I have a lot of time and a capacity for collecting knowledge of dubious use. I read newspapers, I google, and I rampage through Wikipedia articles like a university student with three hours left to finish their politics essay on “The Role of Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac in Usurping American Economic Hegemony”.
But I can’t name Canadian Prime Ministers. I can recite every single line in 8 Mile, Eminem’s classic tale of gangsta rap culture in mid 90s Detroit. I can name all the members of the Fellowship, and probably throw in some Sindarin to boot. But I remain pathetically ignorant on some of the most influential people in my own country. My guilt is further multiplied because I know the American presidents. Ouch.
So I present:
“Canadian Prime Ministers of the Late 19th and Early 20th Centuries” also known as “I Got Some Leaders”. It's inspired by the Black Eyed Peas’ "I Gotta Feelin’".
If you can’t tell Bennet from Boromir, if you think that Johnny A MacDonald either gave us apples or McNuggets, if you ever sat up late at night and thought, "Gee, I wonder who was responsible for constructing the position of Auditor General", this is for you.
~ ~ ~ ~
I got some leaders
Intent on forming a nation
‘67 is Confederation
Took three years so they all were quite pay-patient
I got a leader
in a Liberal-Conservative government
John A McDonald elected, he’s runnin’ it
With a bottle of scotch he be love, lovin’ it
While he is leader
BC and the North are uniting
Fenian forces we keep on fighting
Pacific rail Scandal is ignite-nite-ing
Alex Mackenzie
Stonemason out of school at 13
Refused to be knighted by the Queen
Supreme Court, Auditing, and RMC
Now Sir John Abbott
Selected quick
Mostly because
He’s not Catholic
Most famous quote?
“I hate politics”
He’s got brain cancer
and so retires
To John Sparrow Thompson we owe
Canada’s
Very first
Criminal Code
US Bearing Sea
Increased sovereignty
Tragically, heart disease
Dead before 50
Ch-Ch-Ch-Charles Bowell
Number five
He rocked the Senate
Not much the House
Power divide
Pushed him aside
Charles Tupper leads
For a lowly ten weeks
McDonald, McDonald, McDonald
Mackenzie,
Mackenzie, John Abbott, and next in
line John Thomspon, Thompson,
Thomson Thompson Thompson and Bowell
and Bowell and Tupper Tupper
Laurier’s leader,
serving four terms in succession
Quebec Liberal stronghold he strengthens
While the country increases possessions
While he is leader,
Boer War is causing a crisis
Founds Navy to build us supply ships
French Anglo relations divide, divide us
Borden’s PM (yeah)
For First World War (1918)
Insisted on (Yay)
Canadian Corp (we’ll fight as team)
Win lots of battles (BATTLES!)
Vimy and Ypres (Passeandale too)
Winnipeg strike (Unions)
Vs Mountie Might
Meighan at nine (nine)
Ten is King (Mackenzie)
Then back to Meighan (Pattern emerges)
Because of Byng
He reps the crown (Gov’nor Gen)
Won’t shut gov down (no shutting down)
The next election
Meighan losses again
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Charles Tupper
Laurier
Meighan
King
McDonald
Mckenzie
John Abbott
John Thompson
Charles Bowell
Tucker
Laurier
Meighan
King
Bennet’s woe
30’s blow
We lost some stocks
stocks stocks stocks
Dustbowl roar
Farmers poor
Lost all their flocks
flocks flocks flocks
Men want work
Bennet “Jerk!”
hotels and yachts
yachts yachts yachts
New Deal’s in
Socialist win
Laissez-faire stops
stops stops stops
Third Reich, Adolf, Black shirt Benito
Facist, Expansion, Emporer Hitohito
William Lyon Mackenzie King
elected once more (more )
the Second World War
S-S-S-Second World War
I got some leaders
Perhaps they are slightly eccentric
Séances, affairs and alcoholics
But still have substantial successes
We got some leaders
That together constructed a country
Out of snow, immigrants, and no money
And we don’t know there names, ain’t that fun-funny?
~ ~ ~ ~
PLEASE comment if you read this :D
Look how boss they are!
A Real Dope Rap
Sometimes, while eating my bologna, white bread, and miracle whip sandwiches, I imagine what my life would be like if it were different*. For example, if I were born during the Victorian Era, I would probably die from inhaling dust fumes during my 14 hour shifts at the garment factory. If I sailed about the Nina with Columbus, I would probably die from scurvy before even encountering a potato. If I were a hunter gatherer, I would most certainly be dead because my foraging skills are very, very poor. All in all, 21st century Ontario life suits me just dandy.
However, I think I could handle myself on the streets of Detroit. Another time, another identity, and I could successfully navigate the gang confrontations, drug deals, and rap battles of the underground hip-hop scene. I would have a doo-rag, and a posse of homedawgs, and a really dope name. Something involving 'lil' or 'shiz' or 'G'.
Lil' Shizabelle-G.
The streets would shorten it to something fly like 'Shiz'. I could roll wit dat. And when I did, I would rap. This is a taste of the Isabelle that may have been.
A Real Dope Rap
.......................
The diagnosis a miracle of verbal aphasia,
I rhyme the words in a rhythm so eloquent as to phase ya
if you propose my prose flows like a river i'll wager
that simile, tragically, is to pathetic to save ya
in Jedi terms, you're the ton-ton to my Mr. Darth Vader
A manifestation of the 21st century
The quintessential apprentice to Socrates
I drink hemlock and mock gods till the polis concedes
to lose Zeus in favour of my soliloquies
Pokemon Go! Fireblast that Butterfree!
Critical hit! Now your arguments are turning fallacious
Say like 'you be a white chick' doesn't do much to shake this
Seconds tick by on my rolex, waiting vexes my patience
As you stutter stutter fool, your frontal cortex is spacious
I'll end this game, euthanasia would be so much more gracious
..............................
oh yeah g.
*I realize that if my life were different, it would not technically be mine, but let's roll with this scenario.
However, I think I could handle myself on the streets of Detroit. Another time, another identity, and I could successfully navigate the gang confrontations, drug deals, and rap battles of the underground hip-hop scene. I would have a doo-rag, and a posse of homedawgs, and a really dope name. Something involving 'lil' or 'shiz' or 'G'.
Lil' Shizabelle-G.
The streets would shorten it to something fly like 'Shiz'. I could roll wit dat. And when I did, I would rap. This is a taste of the Isabelle that may have been.
A Real Dope Rap
.......................
The diagnosis a miracle of verbal aphasia,
I rhyme the words in a rhythm so eloquent as to phase ya
if you propose my prose flows like a river i'll wager
that simile, tragically, is to pathetic to save ya
in Jedi terms, you're the ton-ton to my Mr. Darth Vader
A manifestation of the 21st century
The quintessential apprentice to Socrates
I drink hemlock and mock gods till the polis concedes
to lose Zeus in favour of my soliloquies
Pokemon Go! Fireblast that Butterfree!
Critical hit! Now your arguments are turning fallacious
Say like 'you be a white chick' doesn't do much to shake this
Seconds tick by on my rolex, waiting vexes my patience
As you stutter stutter fool, your frontal cortex is spacious
I'll end this game, euthanasia would be so much more gracious
..............................
oh yeah g.
*I realize that if my life were different, it would not technically be mine, but let's roll with this scenario.
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